I can’t believe we’re already one month into 2020! I’m coming back after a {very} long writing hiatus. A LOT has happened in the last several months! I’ve worked, traveled, and got engaged to my best friend in the world (insert all the heart eyes). Life has been really good, and I’m truly happier than I’ve ever been.
But, have you ever been in a place where life is good, you have no real complaints, but you’re just… depleted? Not completely run down but not exactly thriving either? I remember around the holidays getting into a weird funk where I kept telling myself “okay let’s just make it through this week and things will slow down”. Then, the next week would come and I would find myself saying the same thing. Week after week. Just trying to make it, running on the false hope that “things will slow down”.
Here’s what I know: It never happens. Things never slow down. Certain “things” may not be as demanding in your life after a certain point, but those things always get replaced with something else that’s just as demanding. You catch my drift? I found myself in such a tough place where I was blaming everything around me for the way I was feeling: overlooked, overworked, exhausted, and just going through the motions because it was a “busy season”. Hear me on this: the blame game will never get you where you want to be in life. If you feel too busy, that’s because you allowed too many things to be on your plate and for all of those things to become “urgent”, leaving you in a constant state of putting out fires. It took me a while, but I feel like my overall grasp on the last few months has been this: It is my job to slow myself down. It’s not anyone else’s fault but my own when I’m allowing myself to run on empty for weeks on end. It is my job to say no to certain things so that I can say yes to the most important things. Not only do I owe it to myself, but also to the people who love me so that I can give them the attention and effort they deserve. And guess what? What’s most important will always change. Three years ago, it was graduating with honors from my dream school. The year after that, it was most important for me to just keep my head above water. A year ago, it was establishing myself in my career. Today, it’s preparing myself to be a wife and continuing to follow the calling I feel like God has placed on my life. What’s most important will constantly be shifting in your life, and that’s okay. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make everything be the most important thing. Prioritize. Say yes when you can, as often as you can. But also say no. Say no when saying yes causes you to prioritize the urgent over the important.
When the New Year was approaching, I started hearing the buzz words I do every year at this time: “New Year’s Resolution” and “my word for the year”. But this time, it came with the ADDED pressure of “new decade”. I remember making some mental notes of things I 100% needed to add to my New Year’s Resolution list. Then I was like, okay now what’s my word for the year going to be? What do I want to do this decade? What did I do last decade? (Insert small panic attack when I realized I wasn’t that impressive over an entire 10 year span). So, the mental list of resolutions began weeks before 2019 was over. Then, I was becoming increasingly frustrated every time I would see someone else have a revelation of what their word for the year was going to be. Strength, resilience, hope, abundance, intentionality… the list goes on. I even found myself reading articles that gave 300+ words that you could choose to be your word of the year.
Here’s what happened:
I never made a New Year’s Resolution and I don’t have a word for the year 2020.
*GASP*
So, what? Am I knocking everyone who did? Absolutely not. I know so many people personally who are killing their 2020 resolutions already and we’re only a month in. I know that for so many of you, you may have a word and those resolutions and that’s what’s going to get you not only through the year, but to your next milestone in life. I champion that. I’m cheering you on.
This is what I came here to say:
It’s okay if you don’t have a word for 2020. It’s okay if you didn’t make a resolution or even better, if you did and you’ve already missed the mark. It’s okay. For me, making a New Year’s Resolution at this point in my life felt like one more thing I was adding to my to-do list that I already felt was crushing me. It felt like added pressure. Like one more thing I would have to strive to live up to. Does this mean I hate resolutions and goals and setting a higher standard for myself? Again, absolutely not. What this means is, it’s okay to not always be in the same place, running at the same pace as everyone else. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to remember myself truly not feeling prepared to take on a New Year full speed ahead. And you know what? I’ve already see so much progress in myself just by being intentional with how I allowed myself to enter into 2020.
A brand new month is just days away and I feel more refreshed and clear-minded than I have in a long time. I have goals, and I have many aspirations that I feel like God has placed in my heart and I know that I have what it takes to bring those to pass in my life. But here’s the thing: you can’t get where you’re going if you don’t learn to listen on the way. Don’t allow the noise of society’s expectations to drown out what you’re being called to in YOUR journey. Maybe you’re being called to rest. To be present. To seek God more and truly know him personally. To accept yourself. To reconnect with certain family members. To give your marriage the attention it deserves. On the other hand, maybe this is a season where you’re needing to run at a faster pace, put your head down and grind. Maybe you’re facing struggles and you have to fight to make it out on the other side. Whatever it looks like for you, own it. Don’t allow shame to place itself on you for doing what’s best for you and your God given purpose.
Whatever it looks like in your specific situation, I believe that 2020 will be your year.
And it’s going to be mine too.